


if you were gay

by becauseimclever



Category: Les Misérables - All Media Types
Genre: Crack, M/M, Songfic, demisexual!Enjolras, so cracky
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-17
Updated: 2014-04-17
Packaged: 2018-01-19 18:28:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 660
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1479658
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/becauseimclever/pseuds/becauseimclever
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Courfeyrac corners Enjolras about his sexuality.</p>
            </blockquote>





	if you were gay

**Author's Note:**

> please listen to the song

Enjolras finally plops down on the old worn leather chair by the window. He has his glasses on, a cup of tea in one hand and a book in the other. He sighs contentedly. An afternoon alone. Bless.  
The door slams open, rattling the walls and Courfeyrac’s booming laugh fills the apartment.  
Enjolras sighs.  
"Enj! You'll never guess what happened to me on the métro this morning! Go on, guess," Courf urges as he seats himself on the armrest of Enjolras' chair and steals his mug. Enjolras counts to ten before indulging his friend.  
"You were offered a new apartment miles away from here?"  
Courfeyrac gasps and clutches his chest dramatically.  
"You wound me," Enjolras snorts, "But noooo, someone hit on me today!"  
Enjolras blinks.  
"Okay."  
"A _guy_ , Enjolras. A guy _flirted_ with me," Courfeyrac widens his eyes for emphasis.  
"And this is different from any other day, how?"  
Courfeyrac groans and says, "It's not! But like, he was really pretty. He had lovely long hair and these freckles and a flower crown, okay. How cute is that? And-"  
"What'd you have for lunch today?" Courfeyrac blinks at him, mouth still hanging open, half formed around praises for the stranger. Then he narrows his eyes.  
"Quiche. Why did you change the subject?"  
Enjolras shifts. "I didn't."  
Courfeyrac lifts an eyebrow. "You kinda did."  
“Did not,” he sniffs.  
“Oh, but you _did_ ,” Courfeyrac sings with glee.  
"Well why should I care about some gay guy you met on the métro today? I’m busy."  
Courfeyrac's other brow raises and Enjolras knows he's fucked now.  
"Maybe we should call 'Ferre. He would know how to handle this-"  
" _NO_."  
Courfeyrac grins. Enjolras hastily turns back to his book, trying to ignore his mistake. He manages three lines before Courfeyrac springs to his feet.  


"Okay, but just so you know.  
 _If you were gay,_  
 _That'd be okay_  
 _I mean ‘cause, hey_  
 _I'd like you anyway_  
 _Because you see_  
 _If it were me_  
 _I would feel free to say_  
 _That I was gay_  
 _(Because I'm hella gay)."_

His friend pauses from his prancing and leaping around the room and Enjolras feels like he might cry.  
"Courf, no. Please no?"  
Courfeyrac bows his head, nods solemnly and sits on the windowsill next to Enjolras.  
He reads 12 more lines before he twitches under the sensation of being watched. He looks up, finds Courfeyrac staring at him eagerly.  
He clenches his jaw before barking a harsh, "What."  


 _"If you were queer_ ," 

"Jesus Christ."

" _I'd still be here_  
 _Year after year_ ,"

"Stop now."

" _Because you're dear_  
 _To me_  
 _And I know that you_  
 _Accepted me too,"_

"I did?"

" _When I told you that day_  
 _'Hey guess what,_  
 _I'm gay!'_  
 _(I'm really fucking gay)_  
 _I'm happy_  
 _Just being with you_ ,"

"Do not finish this song, I will call your mother."

" _So what should it matter to me_  
 _What you do in bed_  
 _With guys_?"

Enjolras whimpers as Courf continues dancing on the table. 

" _If you were gay_  
 _I'd shout hooray_ ,"

"I'm not listening anymore."

" _And here I’d stay_ ,"

Enjolras sticks his fingers in his ears and shuts his eyes, shouting nonsense over the singing.  
" _But I wouldn't get in your way,_  
 _You can count on me_  
 _To always be_  
 _Beside you every day_  
 _To tell you it's okay_  
 _You were just born that way_  
 _And as they say_  
 _It's in your DNA_  
 _You're gay!_ "

The door opens again; Grantaire pokes his ruffled head in and scans the room, eyeing Courfeyrac’s panting form and jazz hands and Enjolras’ wide eyes and rigid posture. He shrugs.  
"You ready to go, babe?"

Courfeyrac whips his head around to gape at R.  
Enjolras clears his throat and stands shakily.  
"In a minute, love," he says, rewarded with a small affectionate smile from R.  
He turns to Courfeyrac, now standing dejectedly on the table.  
"If you must know, I'm demisexual."  
Courfeyrac splutters after him as he takes Grantaire's hand in his and drags him away.

**Author's Note:**

> disclaimers etc  
> i couldn't sleep so i wrote this instead and ??????  
> [talk](http://becauseimclever-.tumblr.com) to me about dead french boys


End file.
